Steel grey.

You wake up clinging to a cold ground that you pray doesn’t cave in under the weight of your heart. Weary lungs find oxygen, bloodshot eyes find sky. Infinite, steel-grey sky. Blistered hands open slowly and reach blindly for a weapon that’s gone missing.

Pulling your shoulders from the earth, you survey the field and struggle to absorb the disarray. Boots have come unlaced, and you wonder whether you fought or ran before the smoke cleared. Maybe both.

Whose work was this? No signs of death or carnage, but you remember the onslaught. No evidence of victory or defeat, but you remember a faltering, aching courage.  Did you even hear it coming? Where were the hoofbeats, the levers, the sounding charge? All you recall is the aftermath; the echo of your own solitary why. 

Is this an ending? A failure? An impasse? It is if you call it such. But what story ends before its hero has fought well?

Perhaps this battle of uncertain ends is a moment to find out what you’re made of; to face the necessary pain squarely and run straight through without questioning whether or not you could have averted it, whether or not you deserve it, or whether or not you’ll make it out unbroken.

Go, find out. The only defeat is to turn away. Collect your courage and run with resolve. You will be armed.



7 thoughts on “Steel grey.

  1. Wow- so true! I like this: “Go, find out. The only defeat is to turn away.”

    I am amazed by your ability to so perfectly analogize a situation! This is lovely :)

  2. Sweet dear~
    Last night I was writing in my journal…about this aching “beautiful uncertainty.” Sometimes we find ourselves uncertain, broken, and breath knocked out, flat on field.

    But courage from Lion of Judah fills heart and how can we not get back up? How can we lie flat and give in? “The only defeat is to turn away.” How true this is! The minute we turn from following we loose the Sun that’s guiding us…that ray of hope and love and joy and all that is true and right and a world of perfection that is awaiting us in eternity. We have to press on to win the prize…the eternal weight of glory…

    I’m sure that did not tie into what you wrote at all….but somehow, that’s what I got out of it. <3

    Love you, sister.

  3. It sounds as if your heart has been in a hard place for some time now Noelle. Be praying, always…

    Freely I admit, Google Translate has failed me. What does the Greek quotation mean? (I hate to ask, but all attempts to figure it out ended in failure…)

    @ – foreverhisservant: Amen! Have you ever heard the song, Bring the Rain by Mercy Me? The second verse in particular seems to tie in perfectly with what you were saying about turning away from the Sun that guides us.

    • Thank you for your encouragement, Tim.

      YES. Etymology time! ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ / Μολών λαβέ (Greek) / Molon Labe (moh-lon lah-veh) was reportedly Leonidas’ reply to the Persians’ demand that the Spartan-led Greeks lay down their weapons in the Battle of Thermopylae. It means “Come and take them.” A Laconic gem.

  4. Noelle … love! encouraged. challenged and strengthened, spurred on by your heart and resolve. Thanks for sharing it all with us. Our hearts and passions are so similar … God has given you much grace and poise to share with us all, I am grateful and blessed! Continuing to lift you to Jesus sweet friend, love you! k

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