And then, September.

It sounds like it’s raining out there.

September came wordlessly this year, and everything began. Not “began again,” like we typically say, but began.

Yesterday I looked up, looked around, and realized that a mere hundred days ago, I couldn’t have foreseen how everything would change one week, one day, one moment at a time. The lines have been drawn in good places, by the grace of God.

The startling part is that I thought I knew what I wanted. Good thing we don’t get what we want sometimes. It’s bittersweet to glance back, bite your lip, and realize how much precious time you spent chasing the wrong thing. Regrets can be bitter. But the moment when He tells you to stop striving and let Me bless you —  that’s sweet.

A look at my desk tells you what my life is like these days. A row of books lined up from largest to smallest, beginning with Bonhoeffer, ending with an open envelope, and a few journals somewhere in between. An Audrey Hepburn calendar. Half a dozen lists. Several textbooks. A precisely-designed pinboard of people, places, and things. There’s a conspicuously empty space in the lower right-hand corner, just where a photo would fit. I didn’t really have the heart to fill it yet.

I guess I’m just waiting to see what goes there.

I have an abundance to be thankful for. Opportunities to be a student, a friend, a sister, and an abolitionist all at the same time. The privilege of studying at the school I dreamed of. People, friends both old and new, with beautiful souls. Moments of sweetness and light. Loves, both discovered and renewed, and the desire to see them rightly ordered. Growth in understanding and discernment. Blessings unquestionably beyond what I hoped.

Sometimes, I just run out of words. I find myself walking away from conversations wishing I could have fully articulated what I meant. It’s sort of paralyzing to have a full heart and no words for it. There are those moments when metaphors don’t serve you well because this isn’t “like” anything.

But the truth is, if life is so beautiful that you can’t find anything to say, well, that’s a pretty good problem to have.

I’ll let the words go and just be wonderstruck.

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